By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

He doesn’t hit her—not with his fists. His violence is quieter, more insidious.

He accuses. He interrogates. He isolates.

She no longer recognizes herself.

She used to be full of laughter, of dreams. Now, she tiptoes through each day, fearful of breathing the wrong way, posting the wrong thing, smiling too long at a waiter. Her husband watches everything—her journal, her social media, her phone. In his mind, she’s always on the verge of betrayal.

In reality, she is the betrayed.

He weaponizes sex—refuses her touch for weeks, then takes her body without regard for consent, claiming her like property, not a partner. It is rape, even if he wears a ring. And still, he insists he loves her.

But love doesn’t stalk.

Love doesn’t violate.

Love doesn’t destroy.

The Hidden Truth Behind His Cruelty

He has a secret: he is bisexual.

He cruises nightclubs under cover of night. Finds men who give him something he cannot admit he needs. And yet, he clings to his wife with desperate obsession—not because he loves her wholly, but because she represents the mask he refuses to remove.

To the world, she makes him look “normal.” Safe. Straight. In control.

In private, he punishes her for everything he cannot face within himself.

He is a man torn in two—ashamed of who he is, angry at what he feels, and terrified of losing the one person who validates his performance of masculinity. So he clutches tighter. Lies louder. Hurts deeper.

And she bleeds emotionally, spiritually, and physically under the weight of his fear.

Does He Deserve to Lose Her?

Yes.

Not because of his sexuality.

Not because he’s struggling with identity.

But because he refuses to do the work to heal himself and stop hurting her.

Being bisexual is not a crime. But being abusive is.

This isn’t about orientation—it’s about accountability. It’s about a man who uses manipulation, gaslighting, surveillance, emotional and sexual abuse to keep a woman in a prison of fear and dependency, while he secretly seeks the freedom he denies her.

He doesn’t want to lose her—not because he treasures her joy, but because he can’t control what he doesn’t possess.

But she is not his to possess.

The Tragic Irony

What he fears most—losing her to another man—has already begun. Not because she’s cheating, but because his neglect, cruelty, and betrayal have killed the intimacy she once gave freely.

If she finds tenderness elsewhere, it won’t be out of revenge—it will be an act of survival.

And that is the heartbreak of it all: he could have had her. Her laughter. Her loyalty. Her love. If only he had chosen honesty, healing, and respect over dominance and denial.

The Real Question Isn’t ‘Does He Deserve Her?’

It’s: ‘Does she deserve to keep suffering just to protect his secrets?’

The answer is no.

She deserves freedom. She deserves peace. She deserves love that doesn’t make her feel small, paranoid, or unsafe.

If another man sees her—truly sees her—and offers her the gentleness she’s been starved of, then perhaps that is not betrayal.

Perhaps that is justice.

Final Thought:

Some people want to be loved without having to become lovable.

But love is not owed.

It is earned—through truth, care, and the courage to stop hurting those we claim to love.

When a man would rather destroy his wife than face his reflection, he’s already lost her.

And maybe, in losing her, he will finally be forced to find himself.

But by then, she may be long gone—and that, too, is something he deserves.

Want to explore further? Read Forbidden Games, the latest novel by Pearl Deyi, now available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Games-Pearl-Deyi-ebook/dp/B0FFQNMKNW