Spirituality is a vast, fascinating, and for many a confusing subject. It is often approached from a point of view of what we believe, which in itself is based on early childhood programming and practices and beliefs instilled by family and the community we are raised in. Education adds to what we believe, providing an additional layer of programming and to a large extent social control through rules associated with spiritual traditions. However, there comes a time when one must decide who we are and what spiritual beliefs and practices support our growth and wellbeing.

Many of us are raised in Christian households because missionary Christianity, in order to support its mission used the carrot and stick method. One end of the stick included forced conversions, starting with the spiritualists and healers in the community. In cases where people refused, they were tortured and killed to literally strike the fear of God in the community.

The other end of the stick was the demonisation and denunciation of people’s spiritual beliefs and practices, which in all cases dated back thousands of years before Christianity. If these beliefs and practices were as primitive, backward, evil and of no effect, why the forced conversion? Why not stage a dramatic showdown as was done in the book of Kings on Mount Carmel between the prophets of Baal and Elijah, the prophet of God? Surely that would have been a more effective strategy, showing once and for all, whose God is superior. Was there no God before Christianity? The fact that force had to be used means the missionaries and colonisers had something to fear from the indigenous peoples’ spiritual beliefs and practices hence violent suppression had to be used alongside propaganda to instil missionary religion.

The carrot was education and healthcare. The commercialisation of agriculture and mining and forced conscription of the men into the colonial economy left families of women and children vulnerable. Conversion to Christianity was a condition for receiving healthcare and education. Furthermore, the church provided a community, a place of gathering and meeting for women to receive social support.

As a result, families abandoned their spiritual beliefs and practices en masse and converted to Christianity. Some held onto their beliefs, rituals and ceremonies, either practising them in secret or syncretising them with Christianity into what became known as African Independent Churches. The latter strategy meant they would not be harassed for practising their spiritual beliefs.

What happens when an educated woman from a family that has been Christian, Wesleyan Methodist for 4 generations, receives an ancestral calling as a healer? What happens when the better-known family history is only from her mother’s side, because the father’s side is not only Christian but there is an issue of paternity, and no connection with the biological paternal line? Ancestral callings require you to revisit history and learn the ways of your people for you to practice as a healer. Without that grounding, how do you navigate your spiritual awakening? You have no elders to advise or guide you because they don’t know how to do it and in many cases they don’t want to because they have been conditioned to believe that anything outside Christian doctrine is satanic and against the will of God.

Those of us who have studied theology understand that doctrine and dogma is shaped by Church history, politics and the systematic rewriting of biblical texts, including mistranslations make the Bible imperfect. Moreover, Christianity only became the official religion of the Holy Roman Empire, much later, when the Emperors of Rome realised it to be a useful tool for social control. There was a time when Christians were fed to the lions for entertainment, part of the strategy to destroy this rising sect that was seen a threat to Roman rule. However, the oppressed learn the strategies of the oppressor and missionary Christianity would use the same strategies to ruthlessly oppress and destroy those whose beliefs do not align with theirs.

This leaves a person going through a spiritual awakening associated with an ancestral spiritual calling, lost, confused and vulnerable to manipulation from anyone who appears to have answers. You have sleepless nights, confusing dreams, visions and intuitive messages and no manual to clarify. The Western dream journals have a few answers but the cultural references are off. The Eastern and Arab dream symbols also have some answers but are not entirely aligned. A few content creators assist by providing dream interpretations from an African perspective but if you don’t understand their language, the answers are still hard to find. This is tricky because the path of self-initiation where you receive guidance from your ancestors and spirit guides relies on you decoding your dreams to take the next steps for your evolution.

After much trial and error, prayer, communicating with my ancestors and learning from other healers, I eventually found a way. My mixed heritage made things very interesting as my spirituality does not fit a single cultural template. What is true however, is that certain of my spiritual practices eventually put me in direct conflict with church doctrine and I had to choose between continuing my spiritual journey and completing the mission set by my ancestors and leaving the church or subjecting myself to church discipline and continuing in the office of a preacher. I chose the former because my resistance to my calling had cost me and my family dearly and I needed to undo the damage otherwise the duty would fall to yet another hapless descendant of our lineage.

The first clue about my heritage was the spiritual cloths. The prints I was instructed to buy and wear, each associated with a particular guide gave a clue about my heritage. The first was the white leopard print. The leopard skin in Kemetic Spirituality is used to chase away evil spirits and is worn by royalty across Africa. I was shown one of my guardians in the form of a leopard. Tracing my genealogy through family and clan names confirmed my royal lineage, on both sides of my family.

The lion print was the next clue. I had dreamt of lions for years, again another marker associated with royal ancestry. The spirits that take the form of a lion are fierce, feared and confer courage, dignity and wisdom. Those with the lion guides are destined to be leaders. This was not a surprise as leadership roles found me, even when I was not looking.

The cheetah appeared next. This guide brought strategy, speed and psychic awareness. The cheetah is a pack animal, associated with warrior guides. All these are creatures of the savannah, where the sunlit grasslands of the east carry the game they hunt as prey.

I have plain fabrics, the colours of which are associated with certain healing gifts. This was because most of our ancestors who were healers were forced to camouflage their spiritual practices under African Independent Churches to avoid prosecution under the Witchcraft Suppression Act. These are used for the robes, capes and dresses worn by spiritualists who heal through prayer, fasting and cleansing at water bodies.

My origins from East Africa were further confirmed by the sun print. This is associated with the people who worshipped the solar deities, the sun god Ptah- Ra who cycles through different aspects at sunrise, at midday and at sunset. Primarily associated with Kemet, the people of the sun, Bantu Ba Ka Langa, later known as BaKaLanga. There are various interpretations of what prints mean, however the one that makes the most sense now, after everything is the link with my ancestors who lived according to the solar cycles including the equinoxes and solstices and built their calendar around them. Studying the content of the ancient mystery schools of Kemet brings more clarity. When you look at pictures of Kemetic deities, most of them wear anklets and bracelets of different colours because they understood the science of vibration and colours and how they affect the aura or energetic field.

I also have the Njeti and Paloo prints which were brought to Africa through trade between our African Ancestors and the Indians. Most of the animal prints are imported from India anyway so that relationship has evolved, it has not died. My Ndau ancestors on my mother’s side traded with Indians so these are ancient ties. The Sisambe print is a tartan, also brought to Mozambique through trade and associated with the VaChopi, whose healers performed surgery and other advanced medical treatments. All these prints are associated with Ndau guides and they present themselves to initiates wearing those prints.

I have written about and posted about ancestral fabrics and other apparel. I continue learning and uncovering more insights as I progress on my journey. Each spirit guide or ancestor – because they are not the same thing but are from different classes in the spiritual hierarchy, chooses to present themselves with a particular fabric or fabrics because of the vibration of the colour and pattern and the message for the initiate which they will understand with patience, time and practice.

What is now clear to me is that no religion or spiritual tradition has all the answers. We are ultimately sovereign spiritual beings created in the image of the One, the Source or Creator of all things. We incarnate into clans of our choosing to learn certain life lessons, repay karmic debts and be of service to humanity in one capacity or the other. Ultimately, we return to Source, however tradition defines it, just as a child returns home to their parents.

May your spiritual journey be one of joy and enlightenment and may it enable you to fulfil your purpose.