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When Love Is Control — The Tragedy of a Man Who Destroys What He Can’t Be

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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He doesn’t hit her—not with his fists. His violence is quieter, more insidious.

He accuses. He interrogates. He isolates.

She no longer recognizes herself.

She used to be full of laughter, of dreams. Now, she tiptoes through each day, fearful of breathing the wrong way, posting the wrong thing, smiling too long at a waiter. Her husband watches everything—her journal, her social media, her phone. In his mind, she’s always on the verge of betrayal.

In reality, she is the betrayed.

He weaponizes sex—refuses her touch for weeks, then takes her body without regard for consent, claiming her like property, not a partner. It is rape, even if he wears a ring. And still, he insists he loves her.

But love doesn’t stalk.

Love doesn’t violate.

Love doesn’t destroy.

The Hidden Truth Behind His Cruelty

He has a secret: he is bisexual.

He cruises nightclubs under cover of night. Finds men who give him something he cannot admit he needs. And yet, he clings to his wife with desperate obsession—not because he loves her wholly, but because she represents the mask he refuses to remove.

To the world, she makes him look “normal.” Safe. Straight. In control.

In private, he punishes her for everything he cannot face within himself.

He is a man torn in two—ashamed of who he is, angry at what he feels, and terrified of losing the one person who validates his performance of masculinity. So he clutches tighter. Lies louder. Hurts deeper.

And she bleeds emotionally, spiritually, and physically under the weight of his fear.

Does He Deserve to Lose Her?

Yes.

Not because of his sexuality.

Not because he’s struggling with identity.

But because he refuses to do the work to heal himself and stop hurting her.

Being bisexual is not a crime. But being abusive is.

This isn’t about orientation—it’s about accountability. It’s about a man who uses manipulation, gaslighting, surveillance, emotional and sexual abuse to keep a woman in a prison of fear and dependency, while he secretly seeks the freedom he denies her.

He doesn’t want to lose her—not because he treasures her joy, but because he can’t control what he doesn’t possess.

But she is not his to possess.

The Tragic Irony

What he fears most—losing her to another man—has already begun. Not because she’s cheating, but because his neglect, cruelty, and betrayal have killed the intimacy she once gave freely.

If she finds tenderness elsewhere, it won’t be out of revenge—it will be an act of survival.

And that is the heartbreak of it all: he could have had her. Her laughter. Her loyalty. Her love. If only he had chosen honesty, healing, and respect over dominance and denial.

The Real Question Isn’t ‘Does He Deserve Her?’

It’s: ‘Does she deserve to keep suffering just to protect his secrets?’

The answer is no.

She deserves freedom. She deserves peace. She deserves love that doesn’t make her feel small, paranoid, or unsafe.

If another man sees her—truly sees her—and offers her the gentleness she’s been starved of, then perhaps that is not betrayal.

Perhaps that is justice.

Final Thought:

Some people want to be loved without having to become lovable.

But love is not owed.

It is earned—through truth, care, and the courage to stop hurting those we claim to love.

When a man would rather destroy his wife than face his reflection, he’s already lost her.

And maybe, in losing her, he will finally be forced to find himself.

But by then, she may be long gone—and that, too, is something he deserves.

Want to explore further? Read Forbidden Games, the latest novel by Pearl Deyi, now available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Games-Pearl-Deyi-ebook/dp/B0FFQNMKNW

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Wolves in Robes: Discernment in the Age of Spiritual Deception

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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Good morning, beloved. Today, we touch a tender, often buried wound—the betrayal many have experienced at the hands of those who claimed to represent God. Some of us trusted them with our hearts, our pain, and our purpose, only to be left spiritually bruised and disillusioned. It is time we speak honestly.

Not All That Glitters Is Godly

The idea that Satan plants agents in churches—men and women dressed in robes and uniforms, holding titles like bishop, prophet, and minister—is deeply unsettling, but it explains the evil we sometimes witness cloaked in holy garb. The trauma inflicted by these imposters cuts deep, especially because the harm is done in the name of God.

Let us be clear: a title does not make one holy. A robe does not sanctify. We are all called to pursue holiness and to work out our salvation with reverence and discernment.

Test the Spirits: A Divine Command

As written in 1 John 4, we must test every spirit to determine whether a servant is led by the Holy Spirit or by something else entirely. The tools are simple but sacred—daily study of the Bible, intentional prayer, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

After each sermon, revisit the scripture preached. Use cross-references, study notes, and prayer to seek deeper understanding. Don’t be swayed by emotional manipulation or out-of-context verses. Even Satan used scripture to tempt Jesus in the wilderness. That same tactic is used today in pulpits around the world.

Faith for Sale?

Beware the wide gate of spiritual entertainment and empty motivation. If the Word never convicts you of sin or leads you toward repentance, be cautious. Some churches shy away from preaching against pride and greed because they rely on the wealthy for offerings. Others demand “seed sowing” in exchange for miracles—yet Jesus never charged the poor or the rich for healing.

Let us remember: the Holy Spirit is not for sale.

Misplaced Worship

There will come a day when some will cry, “But I gave money to the church,” only to find themselves outside the gates of heaven. Why? Because they worshipped pastors and buildings—not God. Let us not be deceived into idolatry disguised as devotion.

As 1 Timothy 5:8 reminds us: “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Many churches would rather you ignore this truth while you give your last cent.

African Spirituality and the War on Identity

A more insidious deception lies in the demonisation of African spirituality. Many Christians have been taught that their culture is evil, leading to emotional, spiritual, and even financial oppression. But few who denounce ancestral practices have ever brewed traditional beer, performed libations, or participated in rituals with understanding. They speak from ignorance.

Yes, some have been harmed by dark practices and must walk the Christian path for their safety and sanity. But others receive instruction from ancestors—through dreams, visions, or seers—to walk with God while honouring their heritage. It’s not one-size-fits-all.

Even Deuteronomy 18:10, often quoted against traditional practices, must be understood in context: it was a specific instruction to exiled Jews in Babylon. Much of African spirituality, with its rituals and sacrifices, aligns more closely with the Mosaic law than we are led to believe.

Grace, Culture, and Spiritual Warfare

Jesus did not abolish the law; He fulfilled it. The Holy Spirit came to intercede, comfort, and empower us. Living under grace doesn’t mean we must abandon our culture. What matters is this: Do our practices honour universal spiritual law? Do they harm others?

Those chosen as seers and indigenous healers must still pray, fast, and wage war in the spirit. Rituals alone are not enough—we must align with both our ancestral calling and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Final Word

This is a call to discernment. A call to deepen your study, guard your spirit, and walk boldly in both faith and truth. There is no room for spiritual laziness in a world where deception dresses itself in holiness.

Let the Spirit lead you. Let the Word ground you. And let your heritage be a bridge to your destiny, not a barrier.

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Manifesting a New Reality: Aligned, Purposeful, and Yours

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

Manifestation is not magic. It’s alignment.

It’s not about repeating affirmations until something miraculously appears. It’s about bringing forth what is already within you — the gifts you’ve been given, the purpose you were born for, and the energy you’re meant to radiate.

In a world obsessed with imitation and performance, true manifestation begins with authenticity.

Step One: Know You Deserve It

Before anything else, you must believe you deserve the life you dream of. That belief sets the frequency. If you don’t believe it, you won’t align with it. And if you don’t align with it, you’ll constantly sabotage your own progress.

Step Two: Visualise with All Your Senses

Don’t just think about what you want — see it, feel it, smell it, taste it. Engage your entire body in the imagining. What does your ideal reality look like when you wake up in it? What does it feel like to walk through your life, fully aligned with your purpose? Train your subconscious by painting that picture over and over again. Your energy follows your focus.

Step Three: Take Purposeful Action

We are divine beings — made in the image of the Creator — with creative power. That means we have the capacity to design our circumstances by directing our energy intentionally. What many of us lack is sacred process mastery. Without discipline and consistent action, your vision remains a wish.

So:

Get clear on what you’re good at. That natural talent is your clue. Pay attention to what others respond to positively when you do it. Start doing more of that — and explore how to get paid for it.

Step Four: Manifest What Is Yours

Trying to manifest someone else’s life or timeline will only lead to frustration. You are not Oprah. You are not Steve Jobs. You are you, and your path is divine in its own right.

If your dream doesn’t include a YouTube channel or a million followers — that’s okay. Manifest what you have the energy, ability, and discipline to sustain. Build at your own pace. If you have to work a job while building your dream, do it without shame. Your dream can evolve. That’s allowed.

Step Five: Create a Daily Practice

Spend at least 20 minutes a day feeding your dream — read, research, connect with others on the same path. Don’t isolate. Like-minded people open doors you can’t find alone. Practice gratitude — every single day. Gratitude sets the vibration. It opens the floodgates. The Universe, your ancestors, your angels — they respond to the energy of thankfulness.

And When You Feel Tired, Rest.

Not everything happens on your schedule. As Ecclesiastes reminds us:

“The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Divine timing is real. Trust the process.

Journal Prompt

What gifts come naturally to me that I’ve been overlooking? How can I make space for them this week?

Affirmation

“I manifest a life aligned with my true purpose. I honour my gifts, trust the process, and walk boldly in my own divine timing.”

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Sex, Spirit, and Soul Ties: A Conversation We Must Have

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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Reading through the #My1stSexualExperienceWas hashtag reveals just how much pain and confusion still surround sex, particularly for women. It is a haunting reminder that our society has failed to teach the full story of what sex is—not just biology and “don’t get pregnant” warnings, but the emotional, spiritual, and psychological dimensions that linger long after the act is over.

Centuries ago, African cultures had initiation schools to prepare young people for adulthood. These were sacred spaces that taught not only about physical maturity but also about emotional intelligence, responsibility, boundaries, and the sacredness of intimacy. It’s time we return to a holistic model of sex education—one that honours the full humanity of both boys and girls.

Sex Is More Than a Physical Act

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Sex is sacred. It’s powerful, someone once wrote: ‘sex can create a memory, make a baby or generate a disaster.’ It connects two people not only physically but emotionally and spiritually. It creates ties—some healing, some harmful. In the right context—between two people who love and respect each other—sex can be affirming and deeply pleasurable. But when used as a tool of manipulation or taken without mutual consent, it becomes a source of spiritual damage.

This is not just poetic metaphor. It’s spiritual reality. During sex, we exchange DNA and spiritual energy. If your partner is emotionally broken or spiritually dark, that energy can pass into you. If they are entangled with other partners, you can be exposed to those energies too—without even knowing it.

Soul Ties and Spiritual Attachments

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Have you ever felt an inexplicable longing for someone who hurt you? Or found yourself unable to move on, even though your mind knows better? That’s the power of a soul tie—a spiritual connection that keeps you bound to someone, often through trauma bonding. It’s one of the reasons why narcissists love-bomb, rush intimacy, and then abandon you. They know that once a sexual bond is created, it becomes harder for you to leave.

Breaking up, divorcing, or even mourning a partner who has died doesn’t automatically sever the spiritual tie. Rituals, prayers, and conscious detachment are often needed to truly be free.

The Energetics of Sex

Sex releases energy—life force energy. That’s why you feel physically drained afterwards. Workers of darkness know this and use sex in rituals to harness that energy. Some even go as far as collecting bodily fluids to be used in harmful spiritual practices. Women have traditionally been taught to wash or cleanse after sex, not just for hygiene, but for spiritual protection.

If your partner is involved with others, spiritual harm can come to you from people you’ve never met—through the ties your partner maintains. This is not superstition. It’s spiritual science.

Reclaiming Sacred Sexuality

We must reclaim sex as something sacred. This means:

Teaching young people about consent, respect, and pleasure. Helping women know their bodies and communicate their needs. Ensuring boys understand emotional responsibility and that intimacy is not conquest. Encouraging discernment over casual encounters—not from shame, but from awareness.

Men need to understand that female arousal is not instant. It requires emotional connection, trust, and safety. And women need to stop being policed by outdated patriarchal norms that protect male predatory behaviour, while shaming female agency.

In Conclusion

Sex is not something to fear—but it is something to respect. It can build or destroy, heal or harm, elevate or enslave. We owe ourselves—and our children—a deeper conversation.

Let’s talk. Let’s teach. Let’s heal.

Reflection Questions

Have I ever felt spiritually tied to someone after intimacy? What rituals or practices help me cleanse and reclaim my energy? How can I teach or model holistic sexuality in my community?

Affirmation

I honour my body, my spirit, and my sacred energy. I choose love, truth, and protection.

Conclusion: A Call for Holistic Education

Holistic sex education must address the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of intimacy. It should teach children about the joys and responsibilities of sex, emphasizing love, respect, and mutual pleasure. Conversations about consent, boundaries, and self-respect are crucial, as are discussions about the risks of harmful relationships and spiritual entanglements.

By fostering open, honest conversations, we can empower future generations to make informed choices about their bodies and relationships. The goal is not just to prevent harm but to celebrate the transformative power of intimacy when shared with love and respect.

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The War Between Light and Darkness: A Spiritual Reflection

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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There’s a quiet war being fought every day—a spiritual battle that unfolds not just in temples or sacred rituals, but in our thoughts, our actions, and the intentions we carry. Whether you light a candle, pour water for a blessing, burn incense, or use herbs and soil, it’s not the object that defines the act—it’s the intention behind it.

Every spiritual tool is neutral by nature. What determines its power is your purpose. These tools can be used to heal or harm, protect or destroy. The true force lies within the heart of the person wielding them.

Intentions Are Everything

We cannot control the evil intentions others may have toward us. Some people carry hatred, jealousy, and malice in their hearts—sometimes knowingly, sometimes under spiritual influence. But when we hold fast to our good intentions—for healing, for protection, for peace—God and our spirit guides intervene. They walk with us, warn us, guide us, and fortify us in ways unseen.

The Spirits Behind the Shadows

Evil doesn’t just live in deeds; it lives in influence. Sometimes that influence comes from dark ancestral spirits—those who committed evil in life and now dwell in bitterness after death. Sometimes it comes from spiritual entities attracted by our choices: lying, adultery, violence, theft. These spirits attach themselves to us, whispering thoughts that are not our own.

They have one mission: to push us further down a path of destruction, to ensure that when we die, we do not ascend—but become bitter, angry souls enslaved in service to darkness. The cost of power, prestige, or money gained through evil means is the loss of your soul.

But There Is Hope

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As long as you are alive, redemption is possible. You can say no. You can choose light. You can live a clean life. You can acknowledge your Creator, and cultivate a daily spiritual practice to strengthen your discernment. With a strong spirit, you begin to recognize attacks—on your health, your relationships, your finances—and you learn how to resist them.

It’s not an easy journey. The war continues until we cross over to the other side. But this struggle has purpose. It is in our resistance that our souls evolve. It is through these tests that we are shaped into beings who can one day become the spirit guides for others.

So don’t give up. Don’t be discouraged. You matter in the fight between good and evil. The future of the world depends on souls like yours—souls who choose to walk in light, even when darkness whispers at the door.

Reflection Questions

Are there spiritual practices I can commit to daily to strengthen my discernment?

What do I need to release to live a cleaner, more spiritually aligned life?

Affirmation

I choose light. I walk with purpose. I am protected by the divine and guided by ancestors who dwell in love.

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Be Still: A Reflection on Faith in the Valley

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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There are moments on the spiritual journey when faith feels like a whisper in the dark—a fragile echo rather than a roar. In such times, we often find ourselves wondering, “Where is God in all of this?” I’ve walked that valley. And if I had known then what I know now, when God says, “Be still and know that I am God,” I would have surrendered sooner.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I wrestled. I was anxious, stressed, and deeply discouraged because I couldn’t keep up the illusion of being the perpetually joyful, “blessed and highly favored” Christian I thought I was supposed to be. I closed my eyes to pray and felt nothing but disconnection. I couldn’t understand why others seemed to radiate peace while I drowned in despair.

Then I read a tweet from @Nxalati8 that struck a chord:

“Have you ever been out of prayers? Probably have prayed every prayer you can to get out of a situation until you didn’t know what to say to God anymore…”

Yes. That was me.

There were seasons I couldn’t pray. I sat in silence, simply acknowledging the presence of God. That silence became sacred. That stillness, my lifeline. It was in that emptiness that I truly began to understand that God never left me. Even when the world around me fell apart—when I was surrounded by darkness, under spiritual attack, walking through the valley of the shadow of death—God was still there. Watching. Guarding. Holding me back from the brink of madness and death.

Reading Iyanla Vanzant’s Value in the Valley helped me name what I was going through. Her words gave me language for the wilderness season, where light seems scarce but faith is being fortified.

The Turning Point

One of my first YouTube teachings

The turning point came when I accepted what fundamentalists often reject: my ancestral lineage and the gifts passed down to me. I embraced the tools of my healing—ritual, memory, prayer, and spiritual authority rooted not just in Christianity, but in the stories of those who walked before me. That’s when the light started to return.

Critics came for me. They still do. But Jesus said, “He who is not for us is against us.” And “If you’re not helping me gather, you’re scattering.” So I keep gathering—truth, wisdom, courage. I refuse to circle the same mountain again for the comfort of those who neither carry my burden nor walk my path.

Some people, like the Pharisees, are quick to write the rules and even quicker to abandon you when those same rules break your back. But I’ve found my rhythm in the silence. In the stillness. In the valley.

And in that quiet place, I’ve learned: God is near. The ancestors are present. And the journey—no matter how painful—is shaping something sacred in me.

Journal Prompt

When was the last time you felt God’s presence in your silence? What gifts or messages might be waiting for you in the valley?

Affirmation

Even in the darkness, I am divinely guided and protected. I am never alone.

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The Hunter’s Trap

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Like most urban professional men, Victor considered himself a good husband. He worked hard to provide for his family. They lacked nothing. The children went to the best private schools, and he and his wife drove matching luxury SUVs with personalised number plates. Their palatial home in an exclusive cluster complex in the plush green northern suburb of Bryanston was exquisitely furnished and decorated.

He worked hard, so what if he occasionally fished in the pond? Exploiting eager, naive young junior auditors serving their articles at the firm gave him quite a thrill. It was one of the perks of the job—an unspoken agreement by the senior partners in the firm. It was considered to be an opportunity to relieve stress. The unwritten rule was, ‘Never get caught.’ The firm had a sexual harassment policy designed to protect employees. However, in truth, most senior male employees treated it like a suggestion. In private conversations, they exchanged tips on loopholes in the policy with laughter and conspiratorial whispers, secure in the knowledge the ‘boys’ club’ would support them if any of the juniors filed a sexual harassment case.

Victor was one of the best of an elite breed. These were men at the top of their game, deftly fencing their way through company politics to make senior partner, general manager, or managing director, depending on their industry, while working hard to make themselves indispensable.

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The unmatched ecstasy of sex was his drug of choice; the hotter and more illicit, the better. It kept him from losing it. It was all part of a game. There was the thrill of the chase; the more a woman resisted, the greater the sense of accomplishment when he finally had her writhing and moaning beneath him. So, what if the discarded and disgruntled ones called him a ‘Corporate Fuck Boy’. The truth was, they’d be back in a heartbeat if he gave them the slightest encouragement. He was that good, and worst of all, he knew it. Many of the naive young things he had bedded went on to date and marry other people, but a few still looked wistfully his way, hoping that one day he would ask them for a roll in the proverbial hay one more time. He was unmoved. For him, the thrill of the chase and the novelty of conquest was unmatched.

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His wife had some idea of his liaisons, but the number would have shocked her if she knew. She turned a blind eye, having resigned herself to being the good wife and mother, the one who was above reproach and lent respectability to his image when it counted.

So, from one year to the next, he rose in stature in the firm while preying on young, impressionable women who found themselves serving their articles under him. This year, as managing partner, he broke with tradition and insisted on meeting the new crop of junior auditors. Sure enough, one caught his eye at once. She was not his usual type. He liked them light-skinned and curvy, but there was something about this one. Tall and dark in complexion, her figure was akin to that of a greyhound—lean, lithe, and athletic. She had an endearing little gap between her front teeth when she smiled. She seemed shy, shifting uncomfortably under his penetrating gaze.

He asked Aviwe, the HR manager, her name. Xongotela Maluleke. He was intrigued. She had been top of her Accounting class at the University of Limpopo. A country girl, he thought. The firm had funded her studies. In the weeks after that, he paid her special attention, requesting that she bring him files, coffee, giving her special assignments that required her to be alone with him. He called her Xongi, pronouncing the X as “Shh.” She blushed endearingly when he complimented her. A month into her joining, he was no closer to getting the first bite of her cherry. He was not in a hurry; there were still a few of the girls who were willing to put out for him.

One day, Aviwe overheard a conversation in rapid-fire Setswana in the deserted break-out area. To her surprise, she saw Xongotela pacing agitatedly as she spoke. Aviwe, being Xhosa, spoke very little of the language, so she could not follow the conversation. She made a note to check on her. Later when they spoke, Xongotela explained that her Mum was a MoTswana and she had to deal with an issue at home, but it was all sorted out.

Xongotela continued to do the special assignments as requested by Jonathan. Aviwe tried to warn him to avoid being seen as obviously favouring her, but the warning was ignored. Xongotela seemed so innocent and stared uncomprehending at Aviwe when she tried to tactfully warn her not to spend too much time alone with Victor. She also tried to gently dissuade Victor from taking advantage of the country girl. He feigned innocence. He insisted he saw potential in the girl and wanted to groom her personally. “Yes,” Aviwe thought, ‘just like all the others.’ Sexual grooming was not just a function of childhood sexual abuse. Aviwe gave up in disgust. They were consenting adults after all.

The hunter in Jonathan was in full flight, and he would not be stopped from pursuing his prey. Xongotela, meanwhile, continued with her coy and endearing manner, while making every effort to be professional. She was a quick learner, very organised and efficient, and soon, she was trusted enough to be given a set of keys to Jonathan’s office, much to the chagrin of Janet, Jonathan’s PA.

Early one morning, Janet came in as usual, only to find Xongotela in the office. She was holding the brass Foo dog ornament that sat on Victor’s desk just as Janet appeared in the doorway. She seemed a little flustered, put the ornament down in its place, then took some files from the in-tray and hurried off to the open-plan office where she normally worked. Janet tried to tell Victor about the incident, but he dismissed it, saying he had asked her to come in early to look at the files he left in his tray.

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A couple of days later, they were working late, reviewing the financial reports for a noticeably big client who was listing one of their divisions on the New York Stock Exchange in a few weeks.

Xongotela brought Victor a tall black Americano as asked. She set the coffee down in front of him. He looked up and, smiling suggestively, reached out and touched her hand—a gentle, lingering touch. Xongotela froze, unsure what to do next. Victor gave her a winning smile, pleased by her reticence. He looked forward to preying on her, just as he had done with her other colleagues.

Over the next few days, Victor was pleased to see Xongotela giving him coy looks. For him, that meant he was close to the proverbial touchline. The team congregated at a nearby restaurant and bar for drinks on a Thursday evening. As the evening wore on, colleagues began to leave, some going straight home. A few senior partners left early, and their ‘marks,’ the junior auditors they were sleeping with, left a few minutes later to join them in the parking lot.

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Victor fell back on a trick that had served him well over the years with the tougher ‘marks’. He pretended to be too drunk to drive and asked Xongotela to drive him to his ‘friend’s place’ to sleep it off. This worked on the young girls who were often keen to drive his sleek BMW Seven Series. Xongotela agreed. Victor put on one of the best performances of his career, pretending to be drunk, even leaning on her as they went to his car. A couple of the senior partners who remained gave each other knowing looks. They had seen this performance before; they had occasionally tried it themselves, but no one did it as well as Victor.

Victor lolled in the passenger seat. His pulse raced as Xongotela leaned over to fasten his seat belt. She selected the address from the list displayed by the built-in GPS system. Xongotela drove the car smoothly, navigating the suburban roads that led from their office. When they arrived at the apartment block a few kilometres from the office, Victor pressed a remote control to open the gate, and they drove in, the gate closing behind them.

The ‘friend’s place’ was empty. Xongotela helped Victor up two flights of stairs to the first floor. He was so aroused; her arm was around his waist while his was over her shoulder. The place was clean, well-kept, but empty, devoid of personal touches. It was, in fact, the ‘slaughterhouse’ as the firm’s boys’ club called it. They pooled funds to rent the place to bring young, unsuspecting women there for sex. This was, in fact, a frequent practice among men of their class. When the lease was up for renewal, they found a similar property in the area and shifted every year to avoid detection.

As Xongotela placed Victor on the sofa, she bid him goodbye, saying she would call an Uber ride. Emboldened by the privacy of the quiet apartment and heated with desire, Victor stood up and pulled Xongotela towards him and, slipping his hand inside her blouse, he unhooked her bra, saying, “You smell so good. I can’t wait to…”

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What happened next still had him stunned for the next few years when he recalled it. Xongotela wrestled herself free of his grip. She punched him in the stomach, then whirled around him, kicking him hard on the back of his right knee. He landed face down on the floor. Before he could react, he felt his hands being pulled behind his back and heard the unmistakable click of cold steel of handcuffs around his wrists. Xongotela took the remote control out of his pocket and opened the gate.

As Victor lay on the ground trying to make sense of what was happening, he tried to raise his head, only to see Xongotela squatting next to him, the barrel of a revolver aimed at his forehead. Gone was the coy smile and hesitant manner; in its place was the grim look of a determined woman, who was not to be trifled with. Victor was speechless for the first time in his life.

The door opened. In walked three police officers. They saluted her. “Lieutenant Colonel!“

“At ease, Captains!“ She replied, rising to her feet. Victor found his voice and he was led, protesting loudly, to the waiting police van. Curious neighbours and workers at the complex came out to watch the drama. Victor was driven to the police headquarters for questioning.

Six months later, Victor appeared in court for one count of attempted rape. The star witness was Lieutenant Colonel Maluleke. He was also tried for several other counts of rape with aggravated assault. That little drunken act to lure unsuspecting young women, which was his signature, was the modus operandi of a serial rapist. Most of the victims were too scared or ashamed to report, except one.

Unfortunately for Victor, she was the niece of the Chairperson of the ruling party’s Women’s League. Lieutenant Colonel Maluleke, with her youthful appearance and petite figure, volunteered to go undercover to investigate and be the bait. She collected information using the recording device she had placed inside the Foo dog’s mouth.

Victor’s case was fast-tracked through the court system. There was a great deal of media attention. The accounting firm issued a media statement condemning the crime and committing to enforcing its sexual harassment policy. Aviwe was astonished at first, then felt vindicated. She had her hands full as more victims came forward. Some were still working for the firm. The firm paid for therapy sessions and, where required, financial compensation for the victims to redeem its bad reputation as a haven for sexual predators.

The judge sentenced Victor to several years in prison. She noted in her judgement the number of counts, the severity of the cases and the abuse of his position of power within the firm. He was to be incarcerated at Leeuwkop maximum-security prison in Johannesburg, serving many of the sentences concurrently. He would only be eligible for parole after a minimum of five years.

His wife filed for divorce, which was uncontested. He got the news one cold, rainy morning from one of his few remaining friends. The rest of the ‘boys’ club’ distanced themselves. In a single evening, he had gone from being successful and respected to a target for the prison gangs.

He never made it out on parole. He contracted HIV/AIDS and died of complications from pneumonia. His siblings collected his body, and he was laid to rest in a small private funeral back home in KwaZulu-Natal.

This is a cautionary tale of a hunter caught in his own trap. Tell us what you think of the story in the comments.

©️Pearl Deyi 2025

 

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Unlocking the Clairs: How Spiritual Gifts Speak to Us

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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✨ What Are the Clairs?

Clairs are extrasensory gifts—our spiritual senses beyond the five physical ones. The word literally means “clear,” in French, describing how we receive information: through sight, sound, feeling, knowing, taste, smell, or touch. It is used to describe the ability to receive information from a realm which cannot be perceived by our physical senses. Psychics, mediums, mystics, shamans, different healers from various spiritual traditions and prophets even in biblical times had at least one of the clairs. Many have more than one extra-sensory gift.

🌿 The Four Core Clairs

Clairvoyance (Clear Seeing) You receive visions—mini movies, symbols, flashes—through the third eye. It’s visual data from beyond your physical senses.  This can happen when you are wide awake or half-asleep when you are about to fall asleep or waking up.

Clairaudience (Clear Hearing) You hear messages—voices, chimes, guidance—within or around you, guiding choices or confirming decisions.  Sometimes you hear your name spoken aloud, like someone calling you. This is described in the first book of Samuel in the Bible, where the prophet as a boy wakes up three times and goes to Eli, the high priest and asks whether he called him

Clairsentience (Clear Feeling) You physically feel emotions or energy that isn’t yours—a chill down the spine, sudden sadness, or compassion in your chest. You can feel sick, headache, nausea or a pain in your chest, things you do not have a reason to feel. These are messages from Spirit about other people.

Claircognizance (Clear Knowing) You simply just know something—without logic, evidence, or explanation. It’s like inner wisdom or a sudden truth. 

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💫 The Extended Clairs

These six additional senses may not be as well-known but are equally powerful:

Clairalience/Clairolfaction (Clear Smelling): You smell perfume, smoke, floral scents—signals from spirits or ancestors. 

Clairgustance (Clear Tasting): You taste flavors (like sweet, metallic, tobacco) in visions without eating. 

Clairtangency (Psychometry – Clear Touch): You touch an object and sense its history, energy patterns, or emotional imprints. 

Clairkinesthesia (Clear Movement/Sense): You feel energetic shifts—vibrations, pressure, temperature changes—without physical cause. 

Clairempathy (Clear Emotional Sense): You deeply perceive or embody another’s emotional state—even from a distance. (Some integrate this into clairsentience.) 

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🔍 How Each Clair Operates in Real Life

Clair Sense and its corresponding real-world example.

Clairvoyance: Seeing an image of an upcoming event, or dreams that resemble reality.

Clairaudience: Hearing a distinct inner voice or even music playing in mind.

Clairsentience: Feeling gut instinct or emotional shifts without logical source. This can manifest as physical sensations on the skin.

Claircognizance: Suddenly “just knowing” the outcome of a conversation or what is going to happen.

Clairalience: Smelling a familiar perfume when remembering a loved one

Clairgustance: Tasting chocolate without eating it, sensing ancestral flavours.

Clairtangency: Holding an heirloom and feeling its story.

Clairkinesthesia: Feeling atmospheric tension before an emotional meeting. This can manifest as sending the movement of energy in a room.

Clairempathy: Absorbing high emotions from a crowd or space

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🛠️ Developing Your Clairs

Awareness: Notice odd sensory shifts—sounds, visions, tastes, smells, feelings.

Grounding: Use breathwork, nature, meditation; avoid being overwhelmed.

Practice: Keep an intuitive journal. Test insights from dreams or vibes.

Trust: Validate with others. Regularly ask your spirit guides for clarity. Boundary-keeping: Learn to shield your energy—especially with clairsentience or empaths.

🌱 Integrating the Clairs into Daily Spiritual Life

Leadership: Claircognizance helps you navigate decisions; clairsentience helps you assess team morale.

Healing Work: Clairtangency amplifies ancestral healing; clairvoyance helps with visionary guidance.

Self-Care: Knowing your gifts helps you practice energetic hygiene—especially after immersive work.

Community: Share your gift! Others might recognize patterns you’re blind to.

💡 Journal Prompts for Your Clair Journey

Which clair(s) resonate most strongly with your personal experience?

When have sensory anomalies guided or protected you?

How could you honor these gifts as part of your leadership or healing practice?

🌍 Final Reflection

Clairs are not imaginary or mystical — they’re human. They’re part of how we absorb meaning, love, pain, and cosmic guidance. That’s why we all deserve to learn our voice and cultivate our spiritual senses with care, dignity, and empowerment.

Let’s keep unfolding this luminous journey, together.

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The Season of Set: Embracing the Chaos Before the Order

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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23 June – 22 July marks the Season of Set in the Southern Hemisphere—a sacred cycle in the Kemetic (ancient Egyptian) spiritual calendar where chaos reigns, storms brew, and illusions are stripped away.

Set, also known as Sutekh, is the powerful and misunderstood deity of chaos, disruption, and necessary transformation. Unlike Western associations of chaos with evil, in Kemetic cosmology, chaos is a creative force—the raw material from which the universe was born.

Among the Zulu people, Set is known as uMbhidlizi, ‘The Destroyer’. This honours the universal principle that chaos and destruction precede order and the process of building something new. The Great Empire of Kemet, an organisation dedicated to restoring ancient wisdom and alignment with the cycles of life in Southern Africa has published a calendar to enable those on the spiritual path to align with the energy of each season to elevate spiritually and ensure abundance and protection.

You may be wondering what the connection is between the present day land of Egypt and Southern Africa. Every year the earth’s magnetic field shift so the compass point we recognise as North shifts by a few degrees every year. More than 30,000 years ago, the earth’s magnetic field pointed south so south was north and the present day north was south. The people of ancient Kemet recognised Southern Africa as the place of their origin. Kemetic artefacts such as the ankh, more than thousands of years old have been found in caves in Southern Africa, the burial places of kings.

Before order (Ma’at) is restored, chaos must first do its sacred work.

🌪️ Why Chaos is Sacred

Chaos is not to be feared. It is to be witnessed, felt, and worked with. The Season of Set invites us to: face what we’ve buried; let go of control; destroy what no longer serves us; and make space for something more aligned to our highest good.

This is a time when relationships shift, emotions erupt, and the soul is called to look inward. If everything around you feels unstable or uncertain, know this: you’re not broken—you’re in rhythm with the season.

For those experiencing a spiritual awakening, this is the time when the dark night of the soul is at its most intense because this is in alignment with the season when the sun is at its furthest from the earth at the height of winter. After the Winter Solstice on the 22nd of June, which marks the slow return of the sun to the Southern Hemisphere, it is still dark and the nights are still long. This is the most intense phase of the ego death which must happen for the spirit to elevate and for one’s spiritual gifts to manifest.

The season of Set aligns with the astrological sign of Capricorn in the Southern Hemisphere. This season requires one to be as persistent and persevering as the mountain goat which climbs steep mountains and can survive in the harshest conditions. The season also corresponds to the energy of Saturn which rules the sign of Capricorn and the 10th house. Saturn is the planet of karma or divine reward or retribution and lessons from experience. The 10th house in astrology rules career and public image. In this season, expect any career or reputation that is built on a false foundation to be destroyed completely. We are expecting a court verdict in the P Diddy trial soon.

This corresponds to card number 13 in the major arcana in Tarot: the Devil. The message of the card is one of sensuality, uncontrolled sexuality, addictions and attachments, things that control you. This is the reason you are called to introspection and to release anything that no longer serves your highest good.

🔥 Honouring Set: Rituals and Offerings

To align with the energy of Set, create sacred space and offer your intention, attention, and reverence.

You can align with the energy if the season on a daily basis by wearing red, wearing or carrying a hematite object or something made of lead. You can wear a print or keep images or sculptures of animals sacred to Set such as the crocodile, the hippopotamus, the goat, the antelope and the gazelle in your space or on your altar.

You can set up a temporary altar with: red candles (for fire, transformation, and vitality); red objects (cloth, stones, or symbols); meat (especially pork, traditionally offered to Set) Lettuce (a sacred Kemetic food), red wine or beer. Alternatively put these objects on your existing altar.

More important than the items is your sincerity. Offer your prayer, your truth, and your willingness to grow through the chaos.

A Simple Prayer to Set

“Great Set, Master of the Storm,

I honour your power and embrace your fire.

Strip me of illusion, burn away my fear.

Help me face my shadows and rise stronger

I walk this chaos with courage,

Knowing Ma’at will return.”

A prayer similar to this is in the Kemet:Afrikan Royal Calendar of Ancestral Prayers in isiZulu. It is written and published by Mkhulu Nsingiza of the Great Empire of Kemet Movement and the Zindzi Mandela Foundation.

🧘🏾‍♀️ How to Work With the Energy of Chaos

The key is to not resist the storm. Instead, lean in. reflect. release.

Here are powerful practices to ground you:

🌬️ Breathe: Anchor yourself in your body. Inhale deeply. Exhale what you cannot control.

🧹 Clean your house: Physical clutter mirrors spiritual clutter. Set thrives in fresh, open space.

🔥 Cleanse your energy: Smoke, water, salt, prayer—whatever you have access to.

🪞 Reflect: Journal. Meditate. Ask, “What must end? What must be reborn?”

🌍 Ground: Connect with the earth. Bare feet on soil. Water on skin. Stones in hand.

This is also a powerful time to seek therapy, cut energetic cords, or confront emotional truths you’ve avoided.

🌟 The Promise of Ma’at

After the storm, comes clarity.

The Season of Set ends on 22 July, giving way to the Season of Ma’at, where balance, harmony, and truth are restored. The chaos you are experiencing now is not without purpose. It is sacred preparation.

So, if everything feels upside down, if emotions are running high, if life feels uncertain—know this:

You are in the sacred storm. And the storm will pass.

Lean in. Reflect. Release.

Order will return.

#KemeticSpirituality #SeasonOfSet #SpiritualChaos #SetianPath #MaatisComing #SacredStorm #SouthernHemisphereWisdom

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When the Game Ends — The Player, the Married Woman, and the Pull of the Unavailable

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

AI – Generated Image

He was the kind of man mothers warned their daughters about.

Wealthy. Charming. Impeccably dressed and emotionally unavailable. His life was a curated collection of conquests—women drawn in by his confidence, seduced by the security he offered, and forgotten before dawn. Relationships were distractions. Commitment was a trap. Love? A game he played to win, not to keep.

Then he met her.

She wasn’t flirting. She wasn’t free.

In fact, she was everything he usually avoided: emotionally complicated and married.

But she was also breathtaking in a quiet, haunting way—elegant in her restraint, compelling in her sorrow. She didn’t chase attention. She didn’t need his money. And when she smiled, it never reached her eyes.

He noticed her before she noticed him. And by the time their conversations grew from polite exchanges to lingering glances and stolen confidences, he was already too deep.

He’d played many games, but this time—he was losing.

The Irresistible Allure of the Unavailable Woman

For the seasoned player, attraction often hinges on novelty, control, and the thrill of the chase. But an unavailable woman, especially one in a marriage, offers a different kind of high. It’s not about the conquest anymore—it’s about the connection. It’s about why he wants her, not just how he’ll get her.

So what changes when she is different?

1. She Doesn’t Need Him—And That’s Magnetic

Most of his flings began with admiration. But she didn’t seem impressed. Not by his car, his watch, or his name. Her emotional world was rich—complex with pain, tethered by duty. She belonged to someone else, but she wasn’t fulfilled. She was surviving, not living.

Her indifference humbled him.

For the first time, a woman wasn’t a mirror to his ego—but a reminder of his emptiness.

2. She’s Real. Raw. Wounded.

Her honesty pierced him. She spoke of her husband’s anger, the loneliness in her bed, the way she’d withered into someone she barely recognized. Yet, she stayed. Out of loyalty. Out of fear. Out of hope that he might change.

She wasn’t pretending. She wasn’t perfect. She was human.

And her pain awakened something inside him that no pleasure ever had: compassion.

3. He Sees the Man He Could Be, Not Just the One He’s Been

Players build walls. It’s how they protect themselves from vulnerability. But with her, the walls cracked. He began to reflect—on his choices, on his reputation, on the hollowness behind the luxury. For the first time, he wanted to offer something more than pleasure.

He wanted to be safe. Reliable. Enough.

Not because she asked. But because she deserved it.

4. The Emotional Stakes Are Higher

When a woman is unavailable, especially emotionally, every moment counts. Every glance becomes sacred. Every brush of the hand carries meaning. It’s intimacy on the edge of a cliff—one wrong move, and it all disappears.

This intensity draws him in. Not to play—but to feel. Deeply.

When the Player Hangs Up His Boots

He doesn’t chase her for sport. He waits. He listens. He learns. For the first time, he understands that love is not about possession—it’s about presence.

Whether she ever leaves her marriage or not becomes secondary. What matters more is who he becomes in the process: a man capable of real love. A man transformed by the courage of a woman who, despite her own brokenness, taught him what it means to be whole.

Final Thoughts

Not every love story ends in union. But some encounters change us forever.

For the man who thought he’d seen it all, it took meeting a woman he could never truly have to realize what he truly wanted: something real. Something deep. Something worth giving up the game for.

Not because she belonged to someone else.

But because, for the first time, he wanted to belong to himself.

Sometimes the greatest lesson love teaches us is not how to win someone over—but how to be worthy of the love we’ve never earned before.

To explore this story further, read Forbidden Games, the latest novel by Pearl Deyi. Now available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Games-Pearl-Deyi-ebook/dp/B0FFQNMKNW