Is It Love or a Trauma Bond? When Loving a Bad Boy Isn’t Love at All

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There’s something intoxicating about the bad boy. The aloofness. The danger. The emotional rollercoaster. The sweet highs followed by gut-wrenching lows. For many, the pull feels undeniable—inescapable, even. But here’s the truth: what we often mistake for love may actually be trauma.

So how do you know the difference between a genuine soul connection and a trauma bond dressed up in romance?

Let’s go deeper.

🧠 When Love Mirrors Old Wounds

A trauma bond forms when we become emotionally attached to someone who repeatedly hurts us. It’s the emotional equivalent of an addiction: a cycle of pain followed by intermittent reward that keeps us hooked. You may feel unable to leave, despite knowing the relationship is harming you.

This cycle is especially common in relationships where one partner is emotionally unavailable, abusive, or dismissive—and the other is stuck trying to earn love that should be freely given.

It’s not love—it’s survival.

And survival patterns are often rooted in our earliest relationships—especially with our parents.

👨‍👧 Daddy Issues, Mother Wounds & Repeating the Past

Many women who chase unavailable or abusive men are replaying unresolved pain from childhood:

A father who left, abandoned, or emotionally neglected them—instilling the belief that love must be chased, earned, or proven. A mother who was critical, absent, or hurt herself—leaving emotional scars and shaping one’s view of worthiness in love. A home environment where love was conditional, chaotic, or abusive—making dysfunction feel familiar, even safe.

We’re not consciously choosing to relive our trauma. But our nervous systems crave what they know—even if it hurts.

🌌 The Spiritual Truth: You Attract What You Are

It’s often said: We don’t attract what we want. We attract what we are. Your vibration—your beliefs, your wounds, your energy—draws in relationships that match your inner state. If your inner world is filled with abandonment wounds, low self-worth, or chaos, you may subconsciously attract partners who reflect those wounds back to you.

That doesn’t mean you’re to blame. It means your energy is calling in mirrors—not because you deserve pain, but because your soul is seeking healing.

Spiritually, toxic relationships can serve as teachers—illuminating what still needs to be healed.

🚨 6 Signs It’s a Trauma Bond, Not Love

1. You feel addicted to the relationship, even when it hurts.

2. You justify or downplay abuse or disrespect.

3. You feel anxious, not safe, around your partner.

4. You’ve lost yourself trying to please or “fix” them.

5. They give you crumbs, and you treat them like a feast.

6. You’ve mistaken chaos for passion—because calm feels boring or “off.”

🛤️ Healing the Pattern: How to Break Free & Attract Healthy Love

Acknowledge the Pattern. Recognize that what you’re experiencing isn’t healthy love. Naming the cycle is the first step to breaking it.

Do the Inner Work Therapy, inner child healing, shadow work, and journaling help uncover the core wounds driving your attraction to pain.

Cut Energetic Cords. Practice spiritual cord-cutting rituals to release unhealthy attachments. Cleanse your energy regularly to reset your vibration. Read my upcoming blog posts thus week on cutting energetic cords and protecting your energy. I also have a YouTube video on that.

Reparent Yourself. Give yourself the safety, love, and validation your parents didn’t provide. You become your own source.

Raise Your Vibration. Do this through cultivating self-love, gratitude, meditation, and joy. Mirror work is a great way to do this. Stand in front of the mirror and speak good things about yourself to your reflection. Do this for a few minutes daily to reprogram your subconscious mind. You begin to attract from a place of worth, not woundedness.

Redefine Love. Love is not supposed to hurt, confuse, or deplete you. Real love is safe, consistent, reciprocal, and kind. Believe you deserve a love that you do not have to work hard or diminish yourself to earn.

💗 Final Words: You Deserve the Love You Give

The truth is, love doesn’t look like begging, suffering, or waiting for someone to change.

If you were taught that love means sacrifice, pain, or chasing someone who keeps slipping away, it’s time to rewrite the story.

You are worthy of love that feels like peace, not pain.

Healing your patterns means you no longer accept less than you deserve. You stop dancing with emotionally unavailable partners and start making room for those who meet you in your fullness.

Because when you love yourself deeply, you raise your standards—and your vibration will only attract what honors that.

Sex, Spirit, and Soul Ties: A Conversation We Must Have

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

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Reading through the #My1stSexualExperienceWas hashtag reveals just how much pain and confusion still surround sex, particularly for women. It is a haunting reminder that our society has failed to teach the full story of what sex is—not just biology and “don’t get pregnant” warnings, but the emotional, spiritual, and psychological dimensions that linger long after the act is over.

Centuries ago, African cultures had initiation schools to prepare young people for adulthood. These were sacred spaces that taught not only about physical maturity but also about emotional intelligence, responsibility, boundaries, and the sacredness of intimacy. It’s time we return to a holistic model of sex education—one that honours the full humanity of both boys and girls.

Sex Is More Than a Physical Act

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Sex is sacred. It’s powerful, someone once wrote: ‘sex can create a memory, make a baby or generate a disaster.’ It connects two people not only physically but emotionally and spiritually. It creates ties—some healing, some harmful. In the right context—between two people who love and respect each other—sex can be affirming and deeply pleasurable. But when used as a tool of manipulation or taken without mutual consent, it becomes a source of spiritual damage.

This is not just poetic metaphor. It’s spiritual reality. During sex, we exchange DNA and spiritual energy. If your partner is emotionally broken or spiritually dark, that energy can pass into you. If they are entangled with other partners, you can be exposed to those energies too—without even knowing it.

Soul Ties and Spiritual Attachments

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Have you ever felt an inexplicable longing for someone who hurt you? Or found yourself unable to move on, even though your mind knows better? That’s the power of a soul tie—a spiritual connection that keeps you bound to someone, often through trauma bonding. It’s one of the reasons why narcissists love-bomb, rush intimacy, and then abandon you. They know that once a sexual bond is created, it becomes harder for you to leave.

Breaking up, divorcing, or even mourning a partner who has died doesn’t automatically sever the spiritual tie. Rituals, prayers, and conscious detachment are often needed to truly be free.

The Energetics of Sex

Sex releases energy—life force energy. That’s why you feel physically drained afterwards. Workers of darkness know this and use sex in rituals to harness that energy. Some even go as far as collecting bodily fluids to be used in harmful spiritual practices. Women have traditionally been taught to wash or cleanse after sex, not just for hygiene, but for spiritual protection.

If your partner is involved with others, spiritual harm can come to you from people you’ve never met—through the ties your partner maintains. This is not superstition. It’s spiritual science.

Reclaiming Sacred Sexuality

We must reclaim sex as something sacred. This means:

Teaching young people about consent, respect, and pleasure. Helping women know their bodies and communicate their needs. Ensuring boys understand emotional responsibility and that intimacy is not conquest. Encouraging discernment over casual encounters—not from shame, but from awareness.

Men need to understand that female arousal is not instant. It requires emotional connection, trust, and safety. And women need to stop being policed by outdated patriarchal norms that protect male predatory behaviour, while shaming female agency.

In Conclusion

Sex is not something to fear—but it is something to respect. It can build or destroy, heal or harm, elevate or enslave. We owe ourselves—and our children—a deeper conversation.

Let’s talk. Let’s teach. Let’s heal.

Reflection Questions

Have I ever felt spiritually tied to someone after intimacy? What rituals or practices help me cleanse and reclaim my energy? How can I teach or model holistic sexuality in my community?

Affirmation

I honour my body, my spirit, and my sacred energy. I choose love, truth, and protection.

Conclusion: A Call for Holistic Education

Holistic sex education must address the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of intimacy. It should teach children about the joys and responsibilities of sex, emphasizing love, respect, and mutual pleasure. Conversations about consent, boundaries, and self-respect are crucial, as are discussions about the risks of harmful relationships and spiritual entanglements.

By fostering open, honest conversations, we can empower future generations to make informed choices about their bodies and relationships. The goal is not just to prevent harm but to celebrate the transformative power of intimacy when shared with love and respect.

The Hunter’s Trap

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Like most urban professional men, Victor considered himself a good husband. He worked hard to provide for his family. They lacked nothing. The children went to the best private schools, and he and his wife drove matching luxury SUVs with personalised number plates. Their palatial home in an exclusive cluster complex in the plush green northern suburb of Bryanston was exquisitely furnished and decorated.

He worked hard, so what if he occasionally fished in the pond? Exploiting eager, naive young junior auditors serving their articles at the firm gave him quite a thrill. It was one of the perks of the job—an unspoken agreement by the senior partners in the firm. It was considered to be an opportunity to relieve stress. The unwritten rule was, ‘Never get caught.’ The firm had a sexual harassment policy designed to protect employees. However, in truth, most senior male employees treated it like a suggestion. In private conversations, they exchanged tips on loopholes in the policy with laughter and conspiratorial whispers, secure in the knowledge the ‘boys’ club’ would support them if any of the juniors filed a sexual harassment case.

Victor was one of the best of an elite breed. These were men at the top of their game, deftly fencing their way through company politics to make senior partner, general manager, or managing director, depending on their industry, while working hard to make themselves indispensable.

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The unmatched ecstasy of sex was his drug of choice; the hotter and more illicit, the better. It kept him from losing it. It was all part of a game. There was the thrill of the chase; the more a woman resisted, the greater the sense of accomplishment when he finally had her writhing and moaning beneath him. So, what if the discarded and disgruntled ones called him a ‘Corporate Fuck Boy’. The truth was, they’d be back in a heartbeat if he gave them the slightest encouragement. He was that good, and worst of all, he knew it. Many of the naive young things he had bedded went on to date and marry other people, but a few still looked wistfully his way, hoping that one day he would ask them for a roll in the proverbial hay one more time. He was unmoved. For him, the thrill of the chase and the novelty of conquest was unmatched.

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His wife had some idea of his liaisons, but the number would have shocked her if she knew. She turned a blind eye, having resigned herself to being the good wife and mother, the one who was above reproach and lent respectability to his image when it counted.

So, from one year to the next, he rose in stature in the firm while preying on young, impressionable women who found themselves serving their articles under him. This year, as managing partner, he broke with tradition and insisted on meeting the new crop of junior auditors. Sure enough, one caught his eye at once. She was not his usual type. He liked them light-skinned and curvy, but there was something about this one. Tall and dark in complexion, her figure was akin to that of a greyhound—lean, lithe, and athletic. She had an endearing little gap between her front teeth when she smiled. She seemed shy, shifting uncomfortably under his penetrating gaze.

He asked Aviwe, the HR manager, her name. Xongotela Maluleke. He was intrigued. She had been top of her Accounting class at the University of Limpopo. A country girl, he thought. The firm had funded her studies. In the weeks after that, he paid her special attention, requesting that she bring him files, coffee, giving her special assignments that required her to be alone with him. He called her Xongi, pronouncing the X as “Shh.” She blushed endearingly when he complimented her. A month into her joining, he was no closer to getting the first bite of her cherry. He was not in a hurry; there were still a few of the girls who were willing to put out for him.

One day, Aviwe overheard a conversation in rapid-fire Setswana in the deserted break-out area. To her surprise, she saw Xongotela pacing agitatedly as she spoke. Aviwe, being Xhosa, spoke very little of the language, so she could not follow the conversation. She made a note to check on her. Later when they spoke, Xongotela explained that her Mum was a MoTswana and she had to deal with an issue at home, but it was all sorted out.

Xongotela continued to do the special assignments as requested by Jonathan. Aviwe tried to warn him to avoid being seen as obviously favouring her, but the warning was ignored. Xongotela seemed so innocent and stared uncomprehending at Aviwe when she tried to tactfully warn her not to spend too much time alone with Victor. She also tried to gently dissuade Victor from taking advantage of the country girl. He feigned innocence. He insisted he saw potential in the girl and wanted to groom her personally. “Yes,” Aviwe thought, ‘just like all the others.’ Sexual grooming was not just a function of childhood sexual abuse. Aviwe gave up in disgust. They were consenting adults after all.

The hunter in Jonathan was in full flight, and he would not be stopped from pursuing his prey. Xongotela, meanwhile, continued with her coy and endearing manner, while making every effort to be professional. She was a quick learner, very organised and efficient, and soon, she was trusted enough to be given a set of keys to Jonathan’s office, much to the chagrin of Janet, Jonathan’s PA.

Early one morning, Janet came in as usual, only to find Xongotela in the office. She was holding the brass Foo dog ornament that sat on Victor’s desk just as Janet appeared in the doorway. She seemed a little flustered, put the ornament down in its place, then took some files from the in-tray and hurried off to the open-plan office where she normally worked. Janet tried to tell Victor about the incident, but he dismissed it, saying he had asked her to come in early to look at the files he left in his tray.

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A couple of days later, they were working late, reviewing the financial reports for a noticeably big client who was listing one of their divisions on the New York Stock Exchange in a few weeks.

Xongotela brought Victor a tall black Americano as asked. She set the coffee down in front of him. He looked up and, smiling suggestively, reached out and touched her hand—a gentle, lingering touch. Xongotela froze, unsure what to do next. Victor gave her a winning smile, pleased by her reticence. He looked forward to preying on her, just as he had done with her other colleagues.

Over the next few days, Victor was pleased to see Xongotela giving him coy looks. For him, that meant he was close to the proverbial touchline. The team congregated at a nearby restaurant and bar for drinks on a Thursday evening. As the evening wore on, colleagues began to leave, some going straight home. A few senior partners left early, and their ‘marks,’ the junior auditors they were sleeping with, left a few minutes later to join them in the parking lot.

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Victor fell back on a trick that had served him well over the years with the tougher ‘marks’. He pretended to be too drunk to drive and asked Xongotela to drive him to his ‘friend’s place’ to sleep it off. This worked on the young girls who were often keen to drive his sleek BMW Seven Series. Xongotela agreed. Victor put on one of the best performances of his career, pretending to be drunk, even leaning on her as they went to his car. A couple of the senior partners who remained gave each other knowing looks. They had seen this performance before; they had occasionally tried it themselves, but no one did it as well as Victor.

Victor lolled in the passenger seat. His pulse raced as Xongotela leaned over to fasten his seat belt. She selected the address from the list displayed by the built-in GPS system. Xongotela drove the car smoothly, navigating the suburban roads that led from their office. When they arrived at the apartment block a few kilometres from the office, Victor pressed a remote control to open the gate, and they drove in, the gate closing behind them.

The ‘friend’s place’ was empty. Xongotela helped Victor up two flights of stairs to the first floor. He was so aroused; her arm was around his waist while his was over her shoulder. The place was clean, well-kept, but empty, devoid of personal touches. It was, in fact, the ‘slaughterhouse’ as the firm’s boys’ club called it. They pooled funds to rent the place to bring young, unsuspecting women there for sex. This was, in fact, a frequent practice among men of their class. When the lease was up for renewal, they found a similar property in the area and shifted every year to avoid detection.

As Xongotela placed Victor on the sofa, she bid him goodbye, saying she would call an Uber ride. Emboldened by the privacy of the quiet apartment and heated with desire, Victor stood up and pulled Xongotela towards him and, slipping his hand inside her blouse, he unhooked her bra, saying, “You smell so good. I can’t wait to…”

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What happened next still had him stunned for the next few years when he recalled it. Xongotela wrestled herself free of his grip. She punched him in the stomach, then whirled around him, kicking him hard on the back of his right knee. He landed face down on the floor. Before he could react, he felt his hands being pulled behind his back and heard the unmistakable click of cold steel of handcuffs around his wrists. Xongotela took the remote control out of his pocket and opened the gate.

As Victor lay on the ground trying to make sense of what was happening, he tried to raise his head, only to see Xongotela squatting next to him, the barrel of a revolver aimed at his forehead. Gone was the coy smile and hesitant manner; in its place was the grim look of a determined woman, who was not to be trifled with. Victor was speechless for the first time in his life.

The door opened. In walked three police officers. They saluted her. “Lieutenant Colonel!“

“At ease, Captains!“ She replied, rising to her feet. Victor found his voice and he was led, protesting loudly, to the waiting police van. Curious neighbours and workers at the complex came out to watch the drama. Victor was driven to the police headquarters for questioning.

Six months later, Victor appeared in court for one count of attempted rape. The star witness was Lieutenant Colonel Maluleke. He was also tried for several other counts of rape with aggravated assault. That little drunken act to lure unsuspecting young women, which was his signature, was the modus operandi of a serial rapist. Most of the victims were too scared or ashamed to report, except one.

Unfortunately for Victor, she was the niece of the Chairperson of the ruling party’s Women’s League. Lieutenant Colonel Maluleke, with her youthful appearance and petite figure, volunteered to go undercover to investigate and be the bait. She collected information using the recording device she had placed inside the Foo dog’s mouth.

Victor’s case was fast-tracked through the court system. There was a great deal of media attention. The accounting firm issued a media statement condemning the crime and committing to enforcing its sexual harassment policy. Aviwe was astonished at first, then felt vindicated. She had her hands full as more victims came forward. Some were still working for the firm. The firm paid for therapy sessions and, where required, financial compensation for the victims to redeem its bad reputation as a haven for sexual predators.

The judge sentenced Victor to several years in prison. She noted in her judgement the number of counts, the severity of the cases and the abuse of his position of power within the firm. He was to be incarcerated at Leeuwkop maximum-security prison in Johannesburg, serving many of the sentences concurrently. He would only be eligible for parole after a minimum of five years.

His wife filed for divorce, which was uncontested. He got the news one cold, rainy morning from one of his few remaining friends. The rest of the ‘boys’ club’ distanced themselves. In a single evening, he had gone from being successful and respected to a target for the prison gangs.

He never made it out on parole. He contracted HIV/AIDS and died of complications from pneumonia. His siblings collected his body, and he was laid to rest in a small private funeral back home in KwaZulu-Natal.

This is a cautionary tale of a hunter caught in his own trap. Tell us what you think of the story in the comments.

©️Pearl Deyi 2025

 

Forbidden Games

From the moment billionaire Alexander Martin spotted her across the quiet bookstore, he had to have her. Professional, calm, composed in her tailored suit and button-down blouse, Lindelwe Rantao was the last woman he would have pursued, married, loyal, off-limits. But he hadn’t built an empire by obeying limits.

What began as a game of pursuit, a challenge to shake her world, quickly unraveled into something far more dangerous. Lindi wasn’t just trapped in a loveless marriage; she was surviving a life that threatened to swallow her whole. And Alex’s desire to possess her shifted into a relentless need to protect her.

But love comes at a price. For her freedom. For his soul. And for secrets that could destroy them both.

Because falling for a married woman is reckless.
Falling for one with a jealous, abusive husband?
That’s war.

Read a sample and get your copy now on Amazon here.

Book Review: A Family Affair By Sue Nyathi

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

I’ve been saving Sue’s latest novel for a time when I have time to read uninterrupted. The wait was well worth it. There is always a temptation to retell the story when you enjoy it so much. This family saga set in Bulawayo has all the elements of a bestseller. It’s good to finally read a family saga in the tradition of Barbara Taylor Bradford in an African setting. Having lived in Harare and visited Bulawayo it brought back memories of growing in Zimbabwe before the economic collapse.

Sue’s characters and settings are completely relatable. We all have the black sheep sibling, the meddling aunt, the feckless uncle and delinquent teenage and religious fundamentalists to keep everyone in line. Sue manages to convey the pathos and despair of sexual and physical abuse, dire financial straits and the choices people make in desperation to survive and hold onto the people they love while weaving all of it into a great story.

She deftly portrays contemporary social issues such as the modern mega churches where people turn to faith in God to ease the pain and despair and find solutions for issues in their lives. Conservative views about women, their sexuality and relationship choices are also a key theme as the family grapples with the issue of unwed motherhood, separation and divorce in the lives of their three daughters. A man’s sexual sins are not judged with the same severity. Interestingly it’s the women who are more vocal and judgmental about what constitutes appropriate behaviour.

I enjoyed every page. I would recommend you read this and her other books Polygamy and Gold Diggers.

Sis! You Had One Job.

Picture courtesy of Pexels.com

‘Tell me about yourself’, The stranger says
Looking deep into my eyes
Potential lover?
Looks like husband material too,
At 2 metres plus.
‘What do you want to know?
The truth is the wrong answer will end the conversation
Just like that.

‘Tell me something. Anything! I want to get to know you.’
What he really wants to know is…
Am I just a pretty face?
Am I smarter than him?
Am I fun to be with?
What’s my body count?
If he turns on the charm, will I have sex with him?
On the first date?

‘Think carefully.
Watch your words,
Don’t give away too much,
But keep it interesting.’
That’s my social self talking.
Relentless cynic, inner critic
The ego that must always shine.

‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Say:’
‘I love to cook. What’s your favourite food?’
‘I exercise everyday. Keeping fit & healthy is important to me.’
Well it’s true. No more lockdown love handles.
My jeans fit perfectly, no muffin top.
If he’s a gym freak that should do it.
A quick Google search for Lewis Hamilton’s stats
Or the World Golf Rankings. He looks like the classy expensive type. I could just say. ‘I enjoy watching action movies.’
Netflix and chill is my vibe.
What man can resist that?

Instead, my essential self says
‘I am a spark of the Divine
My eyes shine with the light of a thousand moons
In my DNA hides the wisdom of the ages
I am creatively inspired
My love is infinite
Dive into the deep waters of my soul
If you dare.
An oyster carrying a rare and precious pearl
Is what you will find there.’

‘Uh! Oh. That’s really great.’ He checks his phone. ‘It’s been great chatting. I’m really sorry….’ I hear the ‘but’, seconds before it comes. ‘I’ll call you.’ ‘Ok. cool.’ I sip my coffee and wave. Nonchalantly. Goodbye husband material.

My social self *sighs and facepalms* ‘Really!’ She’s furious. It’s our first date in months. ‘You had to go there. You had one job.’ ‘All you had to do was make him like you.’

© Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

Book Review: Nomaswazi by Busisekile Khumalo

The story begins with a recollection of a wedding. You would think they live the happily ever after. Instead find yourself on a high speed train ride that is the relationship between Nomaswazi and the man that left her at the altar. An innocent girl, she is crushed by the rejection and flees to Johannesburg.

One day she is minding her own business when he saunters casually back into her life and decides that he has no intention of leaving. She loves him, yet she hates him. He loves her, yet he feels undeserving of her after ditching her at the altar and trying to keep a lid on the demons of his past. He pulls out all the stops in his effort to get her back. The story will have you hooked, wondering what other curveballs the writer will throw and she has plenty. Busisekile’s imagination is unparalleled and her research is on point making the story so real.

With recollections of war, weapons smuggling, intrigue, hot erotic encounters as well as a fatal sibling rivalry, this story set mainly in rural eSwatini will keep you up late as you try to find out whether Nomaswazi and her man eventually make it down the aisle and get their happily ever after.

Book Review: The Y in Your Man is Silent Book 1; Book 2 by Yvonne Maphosa

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

“He’s not your man, he’s OUR man.” That is the essence of the story in these two books. Whether she’s called the mistress, the side-chick or side dish, the other woman has many names in every language. This story is told from her point of view. An innocent, nerdy engineering student named Lastborn Fierce Nkomo from Zimbabwe falls for the charm of a handsome, dashing Ghanaian professor named Elikplim who’s a few years older than her. He’s a caring, sensitive man, a worthy contender in the Boyfriend Olympics, that is until he marries someone else. Despite that, the epic cross country love affair set in Cape Town and Johannesburg continues with Akon’s music as their soundtrack.

Just when you think you know what happens next, the author literally pulls the rug from under the feet of your mind and sends you tumbling as the couple lurch from one disaster to another, major and minor. Unlike most romantic dramas, in fact drama doesn’t even begin to describe it, the author unapologetically refuses to let them to catch a break. Rolling in money from his engineering practice with his best friend and partner in crime at every level called Lumka, Elik is the ultimate blesser. A generous man, not only with his money, he’s also extremely liberal with his umm… candy cane. There was so much cheating going on, even the players were getting played, I felt like I needed therapy after Book 1 and halfway through Book 2. I watched Star Wars then finished the story.

The story gives the other woman’s perspective of the extra-marital affair. Komla, the wife, favoured by the family, is not entirely innocent and makes a few fatal mistakes in her desperate quest to save her marriage. Betrayed repeatedly by Elik, physically and emotionally abused in turn by his wife, her sister and his other relatives; Fierce, named after a freedom fighter and true to her name, fights her wiser, more sensible self, her family, her friends and Elik’s wife and family to hold onto her love for him, repeatedly forgiving him and taking him back. She experiences a dramatic and cruel rejection by her own family, just as she is preparing to make things right by finally becoming an honest woman. The journey to redemption is equally arduous as the couple try to work out why and how their individual messes come together to create the hot mess that is their relationship.

With progressively steamy scenes as the story goes on, with break-up sex, make-up sex, revenge sex, theatrical break-ups and equally sudden make-ups, Fierce and her ‘Ghana Man’ as Fierce’s Aunt calls him, will take you on an emotional rollercoaster ride. The ending is no less dramatic. A third book is definitely in order otherwise the suspense will kill anyone who dares to read both books.

As a self-published work, there is a lot of artistic license, so there is phrasing that would cause the grammar and syntax Nazis to take umbrage. Otherwise it’s a gripping and unforgettable read which needs its own Netflix series. I hope the universe is listening.

No Rules – Available on Amazon

This is a cross-cultural love story of two millennials set in Johannesburg, South Africa. It is available on Amazon under Women’s Fiction. To read a sample and purchase, go to https://www.amazon.com/kindle/dp/B071NY9YXC/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_eos_detail

You can check out my other posts on this blog and visit my FaceBook Page at https://www.facebook.com/lamourafricaine/

This is my first self-published novel, under the my nom de plume Pearl Deyi. Deyi is one of the family names of our clan, oManzini aba kwaZungu and also has letters from my surname.

Book Review: The Polygamist by Sue Nyathi

By Nomathemba Pearl Dzinotyiwei

Heh leh Jonasi

Heh yeh Jonasi

Loving you has taught me

To never let go of a good thing

Loving you has taught me never to lie

I hate telling a lie…

This is the beginning of Stimela’s hit song I Hate Telling A Lie with Ray Phiri as lead vocalist and on lead guitar. This song played in my head when I started reading The Polygamist, Sue Nyathi’s debut novel, centered around a rich powerful man named Jonasi. However the protagonist is nothing like the serenading lover portrayed in the song. Jonasi in the novel, lies without compunction and never stops, lying even to himself.

The story begins with the account of Jonasi’s funeral with all the women in his life gathered to bid him farewell. Jonasi in death is far from the handsome virile lover, husband and father they experienced in life. Set in Harare, Zimbabwe, the city that never sleeps, there is a grim contrast in the lives of the have-nots living in the township and the fabulously well-heeled living in the Northern suburbs. Then as the economy tanks, even the wealthy feel the pinch as everyone tries to make a living, hustling in whatever way they know how.

The story is told from the point of view of each of the women as they experience the sorrows and fleeting joys of loving a selfish man who never really belongs to any of them. In his own words, he loves each of them for very different reasons. Each of the women’s stories is different. What motivated them to get into this relationship, to stay or in some cases to leave, albeit in different ways?

The children react in different ways as each child’s dream of the perfect family is shattered by the drama in the making, unmaking and remaking of the relationships between their father and each of their mothers. The extended family have their own view of the situation and treat it with delicacy to avoid upsetting Jonasi and losing out on the benefits

The novel is a gripping read. Sue has a wicked sense of humour and the ability to get you to laugh at what are dire situations in the book. There are such gems as ‘ my wife had more game than a soccer team’ and when the youngest of the women describes the older men she slept with saying: ‘ Their asses are so wrinkled sometimes I have to ask myself if it’s flesh I’m holding onto or a mohair throw.’ If you want to see more gems, follow her on @SueNyathi on Twitter.

The Polygamist takes a brutally honest look at marriages and love affairs. It is an unforgettable read that will make you rethink relationships and people’s motivations for entering and staying in them.